Steps in My Transition

Seeing as I’m working part time and attend a college where hormone therapy is going to be covered under my student health care per new trans* inclusive healthcare initiatives, I can begin transitioning as soon as I feel ready. I have bad anxiety with calling and answering calls, so I haven’t been to Howard Brown in a while. However, I’m going to go back next week to continue therapy, but my approach to my transition has altered.

I initially planned to be approved for hormones (or begin taking hormones) and focus on getting top or bottom surgery as time progressed and I saved money. Regardless as to how plans change, this general outline will remain in tact. However, I didn’t think living at home would be a problem. Despite having to be a commuter student, I was still planning to transition this year. But my mom seems to be still trying to grasp that I want to transition and I’m not her little girl anymore. Aside this,  I live with my grandmother as we lost our house to foreclosure and my grandmother doesn’t know. I don’t know how she would react, and to begin hormones, I’d have to come out to not only her, but my sister and great-aunt that lives with us. I’m bad enough with confrontations, but having to do something this big that I know will hurt my mom and make my sister possibly feel weird around me is too much to handle.

I plan to focus on trying to save money to move out before I start hormones. I probably won’t transfer schools, so maybe my current school will get a cluster or floor for the LGBT community where I can stay. I’m too uncomfortable staying in dorms because I’ll have to be roomed with a female roommate. If this doesn’t come to fruition, I’ll work on getting an apartment somewhere near my school. I’d be able to control who I room with and I’d feel much more comfortable that way. After I’ve gotten enough money saved up to actually afford rent (and utilities) on a monthly basis, I’ll start hormones at Howard Brown, then go over to my school’s healthcare system.

As much as I want all this to happen before the end of 2nd semester, I don’t think this is plausible. I barely make $500 a month part time and with the holidays and then the start of second semester, I wont’ have any money going into the new year. I just want to be able to begin transitioning, but I refuse to make my family uncomfortable. If I’m living alone, then I can gradually come out and leave my family room to adjust and try and understand what is happening. Telling them, then transitioning right there may be harder. It’s possible my plans will change again, but right now, I’m going to just focus on possibly moving out.

 

Has anyone dealt with this? Have advice? Comment below.

Need to contact me? Email: JCollins1594@gmail.com

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3 thoughts on “Steps in My Transition

  1. Coming out and transitioning while living with your family is hard. Things will change and people may be uncomfortable. Are you willing to remain unhappy so that your family doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable? Your own feelings matter and I think they should be honored.

    • I’m so scared of hurting my family and seeing them uncomfortable that it’s making me feel like I could possibly deal with it. However, I don’t know…It’s something I haven’t had to confront until now.

  2. I can totally relate to the fear, I really can. However, they are able to be their authentic selves around you, don’t you deserve that as well? I really applaud you for being so honest about your fears, it’s hard to admit sometimes.

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